It is official you can
find lyrics to fit any situation. It’s a bit morbid but this lyric from Band of
Horses’ “The Funeral” was a pretty good fit for how yesterday went.
This weekend is our
District Conference. For those who don’t know, in our church District (or Stake
if there are enough members) Conferences happen twice a year. All the members
of that area are invited to a series of meetings that typically take most of
Saturday afternoon and evening and a couple of hours on Sunday. As noted, this
weekend was our District Conference and as such we anticipated that would be
the central part of our weekend. However, as it often does, life took a
direction different from our plans.
We have a friend/fellow
church member/new Stratford University MBA student whose mother has been quite
sick; in and out of the hospital and intensive care. We found out about mid-day
that his mother had passed away that morning. We knew then that the day was not
going to play out exactly as we thought it would. Under well-established custom,
in fact regulation, a body must be cremated, buried or embalmed within 24
hours. Embalming is extremely rare; usually only done for foreigners who want
to ship the body. Therefore cremation default for Hindus, or burial most common
for Muslims and Christians, typically happen within the day of death. Added to
this is the custom of actually trying to make final disposition of the body
before sunset of the day of death and it is clear that when death is unexpected
things need to be organized very quickly.
With all of that
background I expected to hear about the funeral for Shibu’s mom but the day
wore on and I hadn’t heard anything. So Rae and I got ready and headed to our
first meeting. We were about a half an hour in when another friend appeared in
the doorway and waived me out. The funeral was set and we had to leave right
then to get there in time. So four of us jumped in the car and took off.
I won’t go into all the
harrowing details (I will say that an armed procession for Prime Minister Modi
was involved) but despite serious delays we got there just in time to see the
top of the casket being nailed in place.
This would be a good time
to write a little more specifically about funerals – at least Christian
funerals – in India. Let me start by saying if Indian marriages are among the
world’s most elaborate ceremonies (and they are), Indian funerals are among the
most simple. I wrote about a funeral over a year ago but I think I understand a
little more now than I did then. As noted all of this takes place within 24
hours and often within 12. First, the body is laid out in the home or, if there
is not space inside the house, outside. The body is usually laid out on a sheet
but if it is very hot (when isn’t it?) they might arrange it in such a way that
ice can be applied to keep the body as fresh as possible. There are usually
flowers arranged around the body as well, which plays the dual role of honoring
the deceased and adding some perfume if needed.
There are separate cemeteries
for Muslims, Christians, and I assume Jews, as well as crematoria for Hindus
but also for those of other faiths who choose to be cremated. The Christian cemetery
where the burial took place last year was one of the oldest, most established
in Delhi. It is nearly full and people
are dying to get in. The one yesterday was in a remote, outlying area of the
city and appeared to have much more capacity. It also was not as nice. The cemetery
last year had many nice, above ground mausoleums, trees, and landscaping. This
one looked a bit more like boot hill: dirt was mounded over each gravesite and
names were indicated by white wooden crosses with the names and dates painted
in black.
In any case, once the
details of where the burial will take place is determined, the body is placed
into a simple wooden casket (of the three funerals I’ve seen, two had painted
caskets and one was wrapped in white cloth) and transported by ambulance to the
cemetery. Once there the casket is placed on a table, opened, while family and
loved ones gather. While everyone is gathering, people look into the casket and
make the usual types of comments and comfort family members while waiting. Once
everyone is gathered, a few words are spoken and then the lid of the casket is
nailed in place. Then the assembled men lift the casket onto their shoulders and
carry it to the gravesite.
Once there, the casket is
placed on the ground next to the hole over three or four ropes (grave diggers are
standing nearby, waiting). After the grave is dedicated, the casket is lowered
by the ropes into the grave. All mourners step forward and throw a handful of
dirt onto the casket and then the grave diggers quickly finish covering the
grave and build a mound over it and place the cross. Mourners then come forward
and place flowers on the mound. At the funeral last year, the flowers were
strings of saffron marigolds that were piled on the grave. Yesterday the
flowers of choice were red roses and individual flower stalks which were stuck
into the mound. The whole process from start to finish might take 20 minutes.
Here is a picture another friend took of her gravesite:
Actually, I attended two
funerals yesterday. Two members of our District died yesterday and there
funerals were held back to back. I didn’t know the second person but the people
I was with did and wanted to stay, so I joined them since I didn’t really have
a choice, not having a way back other than their car. The only thing of note
for the second funeral was that it was well and truly dark by the time the
family gathered and it started. The person running the cemetery made a point of
telling me that they really weren’t supposed to do the funeral; they should
make the family wait until the next morning; but that he was doing “us” a
special favour. “After all,” he said, “we aren’t living the Mosaic law. Right?”
Well, that’s probably a
lot more information than you wanted. It’s not the first time I have explained
how to build a watch when asked for the time. Anyway, here’s Rae.
Another name for India
could be delays, and this weekend certainly had those. The Prime Minister was the cause for
yesterday’s delay for Phil. Today trying
to get to District Conference we faced another delay. Because we don’t have any church buildings
that will hold all the branches together, they always reserve an auditorium
somewhere in Delhi for the Sunday conference meeting. The particular auditorium this time happened
to be located on a road where a huge race was taking place. So, after trying numerous
different routes that were all blocked off, we finally had to get out of the
car and walk a few of blocks to actually reach the building. The race literally ran right in front of the
building. See picture below of the
building we had such a hard time reaching.
Because most members don’t
have their own cars and a lot use some sort of public transportation the
district arranges buses to pick up members at the respective branches and
transport them to the conference location.
For some members this transportation means they can come. Getting to church for some families takes a
good portion of their income so the buses mean they can afford to attend. Because
of all the street closures groups of people were continuing to arrive after the
meeting started. Not the best way to
start things out, but nice to see everyone preserver and eventually get there.
In our walk to the
conference we had to walk across a bridge over the road where part of the race
was happening. I thought it was
interesting that there seemed to be runners/walkers everywhere. We passed runners along some of the side
roads leading to the bridge, going up the bridge, going down from the bridge
and I’m not sure you can actually see it in the pictures but they were headed
in both directions on the road below the bridge. Organized chaos at its best. There just
seemed to be runners/walkers, everywhere headed somewhere, but where? Luckily
the conference and the race were to end at noon so our drivers was actually
able to get to the building to pick us up.
Phew! I was wondering if we’d actually figure out where to find him
since we bailed out in the middle of traffic and didn’t know where he would end
up parking.
One last, and totally,
random thought/picture. I think I’ve
mentioned in the past about how parents bundle up their babies. Here’s a picture of two babies from our
branch. These babies had on snow suit type
outfits and the one is also in a bunting.
It was just under 80 degrees when we took this picture. WINTER for sure.
Namaste
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