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THE topic this week is the wedding Rae and I attended of one of my
managers. I’ve always heard Indian weddings are noteworthy. Based on our
experience, I would say that’s an understatement. I guess I could talk about
our preparations for the ACICS visit – that certainly has occupied nearly every
moment this week – but I just don’t want to. There will be time for that next
week when the visit is over. Let me just say, I think we are as ready as possible;
now it just depends on the conduct of the team.
So the wedding. Given the variety of sub-cultures in India. It may well
be that if you’ve seen one Indian wedding, you’ve seen one. Both Deepak’s and
Seema’s (the bride) families are both Punjabi. I am sure that influenced the
wedding to some degree. So, while not holding ourselves out as experts Rae and
I will try to describe what we experienced with pictures accompanying the text.
The first thing to know is that Indian weddings take several days (I
think this is common to all). In Deepak and Seema’s case the parts of the
wedding to which we were invited covered three days, err, nights. The first
night was the ring ceremony and Sagan. The event was held at a banquet hall and
there were probably about a hundred people, family and friends of the two
families. No alcohol was served, a fact for which Deepak’s father apologized to
me more than once. So, the event was dry (befitting the fact the center of the
evening was a religious ceremony) but that was the only way in which moderation
was shown. There was a constant flow of food and drink: sodas, energy drinks, juice,
and all kinds of appetizers. Then the dinner started. So, the second thing
about Indian weddings – there’s a ton of food!
And dancing. There was a dance floor, DJ and everyone danced. Well
almost everyone. Rae and I stood to the side and watched, this time. That
almost wasn’t the narrative. One of Deepak’s aunts was actively dragging Rae
towards the dance floor; pushing people aside. The only thing that prevented
Rae’s debut was the announcement that dinner was served. Until the dance portion
of the festivities were over, everyone from two year old kids to 90 year old
grandmas were dancing. I say that dancing stopped with the dinner – paused is
more accurate. We didn’t stay to the end but Deepak told me the party went on
until the banquet room threw them out at midnight. Tat was the early night
Now to the ceremonial part of the evening. The Sagan is a religious ceremony
in which the bride’s family blessed the groom. First there is a purification ceremony
then the family of the bride blessed the groom marking his forehead with a
paste made of spices, rice and flower pedals, then other members of the wedding
party are also blessed. Finally, the family of the bride give the groom sweets,
cash, and other presents. Then boxes of sweets are given to members of the
groom’s wedding party (see comment on food). The ring ceremony is somewhat an
adaption of the exchange of rings from a western marriage, although it happens
before the actual wedding rather than at the end of the ceremony. Another adaptation is cutting and eating a
wedding cake. Of course, it has to take an Indian twist.
First the cake was nothing like a traditional western wedding cake. It
was chocolate, which is okay, but it was a large rounded cake as if it had been
baked in a mixing bowl. It was covered by a sort of gelatine frosting. After
the exchange of rings, the groom fed a little cake to the bride and she did the
same to him. Then each took turns feeding bites of the cake to all the key
members of the wedding party (this is an Indian tradition that pops up at all
kinds of celebrations). After this, the cake was cut and pieces were served to
all the guests. While the cake serving was going on the dancing really took off
as mentioned before.
So all of that was fun and enjoyable but the highlight for me was
meeting Deepak’s two aunts. They are probably, I don’t know, 75 – 80, one with teeth,
and one without. And they were a hoot. They adopted Rae and me as if we were
their long lost children. They were a constant throughout the three nights of
the wedding and I have to say, I miss them and I am a little sad I probably won’t
be seeing them again.
Night two was just a wild party. Actually there were two parties: one
at Seema’s parent’s house for her part of the wedding party and one at Deepak’s
parents’. There was no ceremony on night two (well the women could get mehndi
(henna tattoos) on their hands. Mostly there was VERY loud music and drinking, drumming
and dancing. So much dancing. And food. So much food. The drinking occurred
discretely. Individuals slipped out of
the main party, drank, and then rejoined the party. I disappointed Deepak’s
father and uncle by declining their offer to join them for drinks. Neither Rae
nor I disappointed them on the dance floor however.
We were brought out by hand to the dance floor by various family
members, who encouraged us to jump right in and join the dancing. We gave up
and went home about 2:30 (the police shut down the party due to neighbors’
complaints about 4:00) but before that Rae and I were both brought out onto the
dance floor and got to try our hands (and feet) at Indian dancing. Rae was a
natural and appeared to have a great time. I also enjoyed it but I was more
self-conscious than she. I was ready to go at 2:30 but Rae I think would have
stayed to be kicked out by the police.
The third night was the wedding itself. It took place at a huge wedding
center (I estimate the grounds encompassed three acres surrounded by a twenty
foot high wall like a fortress. Inside the wall were dozens of food vendors
with all varieties of food, drink, and deserts (again, no liquor). Deepak and
his wedding party arrived in a sliver studded carriage drawn by two white
horses and led by a Punjabi drum band and a brass band in “music man” uniforms.
I think the primary requirement for membership in either band was being able to
play loudly. It took hours for the grooms wedding party to make it into the
venue.
Then the bride’s party came to the venue. Again, the process took quite
a while to make their way in side. The bride’s male members carried a covering
over the bride’s head. I understand the covering is made of red fabric, although
this time it was more of a lattice work with bells on it. Once the bride came
into the venue, the groom brought her onto a raised platform and put a garland
of flower around her neck and she him. Then, the platform on which they were
standing started to turn (it seemed kind of unstable) and flower pedals were
shot out over them and the gathered throng. Eventually they came down off the
pedestal and made their way to a stage which was at one end of the venue, on
which there were two large, armed chairs. For the next two hours everyone was
expected to come forward and have their pictures taken with the bride and groom.
It was now after 2:00 and the party had started to drag. When we saw
one of our favourite aunts headed home, we decided it was okay for us to leave
too. I found out the next day it was a step we took too soon. I have heard
about the details of the actual Indian wedding (husband and wife circling a fire
seven times; hands ceremonially bound together, etc. When that had not happened
yet by 2:00, we assumed it must have happened earlier at another venue. No, it
actually happened after we left around 5:00 AM. Apparently the lull we observed
was pretty typical. About the time that happens most of the people other than
immediate family leave and then the real ceremony takes place just before dawn.
I wish I’d known that. Even though I had work the next day, I would have stayed
for the whole thing if only I had known. I don’t know if we will be invited to
another wedding whilst we are here. If we are, I am tempted to take the time
off and really enjoy it.
Well that’s my take. Here’s Rae who will give you clearer insights.
As Phil stated, if we are ever invited to another wedding, we will be
smarter, and better prepared for certain things. One thing we would be better prepared for was
money. It is wise to carry lots of 10
and 20 rupee bills, as money is something that is waved and thrown around. As people dance, other people will circle
their heads with bills and then the money is given to someone. The “someone” was never clear to me. I wasn’t sure if people were dancing to earn
money for the bride and groom, or if the money was given to the drummer, the DJ
or who. I do know that when money was
circled over my head as I danced, it wasn’t given to me. One thing that was
clear was that everyone who is working at the wedding is always ready for you
to hand them some. Once we finally made
it into the wedding venue we (Phil and I) were DOGGED by about three waiters
that kept bringing us food, drink, napkins and any number of other things we
didn’t necessarily want. After several
attempts to extricate ourselves from them it became clear that they wanted us
to give them money. The problem was we
had already given all our 10 and 20 rupee bills out and were not about to give
them 100 or 500.
Staying up very late is another thing that we will be better prepared
for. This particular wedding was
difficult because it was taking place while Phil was knee deep in all the
preparations for the upcoming accreditation. With Phil putting in 70-80 hour
work weeks, taking days off to rest so we could party all night just wasn’t an
option. Next time, if there is a next time, he won’t be going through accreditation.
When we were given the invitation to the wedding, there were three
separate invitations enclosed. These were invitations for each of the events
that Phil has just described. The thing
we learned was that even though there were times listed for each event, they
were meaningless. Deepak told Phil what
time we really needed to come, for instance, the ring ceremony stated it was to
begin at 6:30 with dinner at 8, but Deepak said we didn’t need to come until
9. The wedding stated it would start at
5:00 but he told us we didn’t need to come until 10. We arrived at 10:20 and the groom was sitting
in the carriage outside the venue and didn’t begin his slow movement into the
hall for another 20-30 minutes. You will
notice a picture of Phil in the carriage with Deepak. This picture was taken right after we
arrived.
The movement of the carriage with the groom into the hall is very
slow. It moves forward about 10 feet and
then stops. The band plays, the drummers
play and the family and guests dance for a while then another, 10 feet. Clearly the horses are used to all this
commotion but I was amazed at their patience through all this noise, movement
and their lack of movement. They didn’t
even jump when the different fireworks went off. I did however.
Hopefully you will be able to see all the details of both the bride and
grooms clothing. The groom had to be warmer that the bride. The groom had a jacket while the bride had
short sleeves and was not as covered. A
few things to note; the groom had money attached to different cords that hung
around his neck, the groom had strings of flowers that hang from his turban as
a sort of veil, and the grooms curled toed shoes, just to mention a few.
Now a few things about the bride.
Typically the bride wears red, they also wear red bangle bracelets and
this bride had many on both arms. It is
tradition that the bride continues to wear these bracelets for as much as a
year after the marriage. Not sure how
well it shows in the pictures, but it is typical for the bride to wear a larger
nose ring with a chain that connects to one ear, this brides were pretty subtle
compared to some I’ve seen. The bride’s
gown while it is made of delicate fabric is actually very heavy. It is heavily jewelled and all those jewels
add up to a lot of weight. I’ve looked at several wedding outfits that are jewelled
and beaded and I can’t imagine wearing all that weight for many hours, think 20
-50 lbs. I’ve looked at several wedding
outfits, and I could barely lift them.
My mehndi, henna tattoo, was my first and so I wasn’t smart enough to
only have one hand done. As I was having
my first hand done, Deepak came by and said “Oh Rae you should have both hands
done”. I had no idea what that would
mean for the rest of the evening. The
henna is painted on with a paper tube similar to a small icing bag. One young man did one hand and another did
the other hand. Each design is different
as they are created as they go. The palm
is more decorated than the back of the hand, and the tips of the fingers are
painted solid. Having finished the painting I went to sit and let it dry. As I’m sitting I’m informed that this will
take 2 hours to dry, WHAT! How do I
scratch my nose, take a drink, or eat a bite of food? Well. Let me tell you how. The little aunties that Phil talked about
earlier would come along and feed me bites of food, a task that poor Phil later
took over. At one point I decided I
needed a drink so as Phil was trying to give me a drink, always a fun
experience trying to have someone else give you a drink, a little lady took the
glass from him and started “helping me”.
She was short, and I am not. It
had to be pretty comical watching me trying to get low enough to make contact
with the glass and drink fast enough so as not to just wear it. Anyway I finished the drink and she was so
happy to have helped me.
One thing that was so surprising to me was how accepting and welcoming
everyone was. They treated us like we
were the guests of honor. It was a bit embarrassing
at times, as I was prepared to just stand back and observe, not be thrown into
the middle of all the celebrations.
These people are so warm, accepting and loving. They really did make us feel included and
never like intruders.
Weddings here really are a BIG DEAL and I can’t imagine how much it
must cost them, both in time and money to have these many days of food, fun and
celebration. So glad we got to experience it.
Phil and I kept saying that in our western minds we could see many ways
to streamline and speed things up.
Certainly a different mind-set.
Streamline vs revel in the process.
Once again an experience in contrasts.
Namaste!
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